Who Are You When the Gear Comes Off?

What pup or pet hasn’t had that moment when the puppy wave comes out in everyday life? You know the one, one or both hands, fingers curled inward to make a paw, and the energetic side to side wave. It happens and sometimes we find ourselves stopping, or recoiling with that “oh shit did I just puppy wave to my boss?” I used to have that feeling, but as I’ve grown both professionally and as a pup, I’ve found myself not caring as much anymore. In fact it’s expanded. I find myself barking at emails or technology not working, my tail wags when I’ve got my headphones in and getting into a groove with my current playlist. I’ve realized that just because the hood, tail or gear come off, being a pup never stops for me. Hoods, tails and gear can help us more easily access that headspace, and as I teach in several of my classes, that’s important to know how to get there easily until you build the muscle memory. There may be parts of headspace and different levels of headspace that you can more easily call up depending on the social situation, but for some there is an emotional connection to what the hood and gear do for us. Gear doesn’t always make the pup, but it begs the question of what happens and who am I when the gear comes off? Let’s touch on headspace for a second. One of the things I emphasize in my classes, is that headspace is different for everyone and there can be different levels and effects of what that does for a pup. For me, there are 3 levels of headspace. There’s an everyday headspace, where I start to see the pup behaviors emerge. It’s not super obvious, but you’ll see the tail wags, head tilts, pup waves, and tongue hanging out. Then there is the middle headspace, it is more an event type of headspace where I know I’m around other pups and kinksters and generally I have my hood or tail on. I still speak and bark and do a combination of human and pup things, but it’s very clear that hey, Ruff is here. Finally there is more of a deep headspace for me. Not everyone gets to see this. Usually I’m with a handler or Alpha, and I get into the full pup mode. I stop speaking and only use hand signals (Learning ASL which is super helpful for a number of reasons), I growl and have my animalistic vocalizations, and my extremely playful side comes out. But while some of these spaces are easier to access with my pup gear, I can also access them when I’m in my everyday “normie mode.” Ruff has helped me to heal a lot in the last year. He’s helped me to process the end of my marriage, he’s helped me with the loss of my job, and he’s helped me become the pup that honestly, I’m fucking proud to be today. Professionally he’s given me confidence in my work and what I can accomplish, he’s helped me take chances and break out of my shell as a networker, and he’s helped me to deal with stress when something unexpected arises. All of those things don’t require gear, but they do require that I don’t apologize or try to hide the fact that I am through and through a pup. Now, that’s not to say I’m going around announcing it to coworkers, but it does mean that I no longer shy away from that playful wave, or find a way to cause a little puppy chaos to keep things fun. Being #UnapologeticallyPuppy has never meant to run wild, wear a hood, or bark at everyone, but it does mean that it’s OK to embrace that inner pup and let them out from time to time. There is no shame in embracing that playful wave, letting your tail wag when that new banger comes on, or laughing and having fun at whatever you’re doing. Every day I find new ways to let Ruff out. The Starbucks employees now call me Ruff and get a giggle when I place my order and “Ruff N.” prints on my cup tag. My therapist calls me by my pup name, as I feel more at ease hearing that name. And my close friends have started to introduce me as Ruff. That doesn’t mean my human name fades away. I still have to respect there is a professional boundary that I need to maintain, but the playful side of me is absolutely free to roam at any time. There are still things I have to work on when the gear comes off. Some of my emotional regulation comes from being able to tune everything out when I have the hood on. I still need to practice finding that focus and sense of comfort when the hood isn’t around. I need to stop trying to gatekeep myself when I throw a puppy wave or gentle bark. I need to continue to trust that even if my collar is off, (sometimes my neck needs a break from my big chain) my Alpha is still with me and our connection continues to grow. I’ve started to embrace the puppy wave, and the doofy parts of Ruff, that make him fun at the events I’ve been going to over the last year. I bark when things go awry and I need a moment to get back on track, and I embrace using Ruff when in the right social circles. I encourage you over the next while to start to notice when you try and gatekeep your pup actions, and start to challenge if they have a place in that normie world when the gear comes off. Keep practicing finding your headspace, and include trying to access it without the gear. Find the moments that matter to you and your pup-self and trust that your pup side is there to help and get you through the bumps and joys in life. That’s what gives #UnapologeticallyPuppy its power. So now, when you give that puppy wave and think, “oh shit,” start to challenge what you are denying yourself. Allow that pup to roam free without gear. Most importantly never apologize for who you are and where you’ve come from. They’ve all helped to make the pup you are today.