What Pack Means to Me

Pack is one of those words that people outside the pup community sometimes misunderstand. They hear it and assume it means hierarchy, ownership, or strict roles. Sometimes it can include those things, but for most of us pack means something much simpler. It means not being alone.

For me, the idea of pack actually started long before Ruff existed. The first time I really saw puppy play up close was at International Mr. Leather in 2006. I remember meeting a group of pups connected to the Phoenix Boys of Leather. Marcus, Alan, and several others were there, and the way they interacted with each other immediately stood out to me.

There was playfulness, but there was also something deeper happening between them. They checked in with each other constantly and made sure everyone around them was doing well. Even though I was a newcomer, they went out of their way to make sure I felt included. I was not part of their group, yet they welcomed me into the conversation and into the energy of what they were doing. At the time I did not really have language for what I was seeing. Looking back now, I realize that moment was my first real glimpse of pack.

Years passed and life pulled me in other directions, and that part of me became quiet for a long time. Then almost a year ago I made a decision that changed things. After my divorce I had fallen into a pretty deep depression and I was not sure what my life was supposed to look like anymore. Part of that pain came from realizing how disconnected I had become from a community that once meant so much to me.

During my marriage I often felt like I could not connect with that world the way I wanted to. The community that had once been a source of joy and belonging slowly became something distant. That tension was one of the many things that made the relationship feel increasingly dysfunctional over time. By the time the marriage ended, I realized just how much of myself I had been holding back. I spent a lot of time alone in those months, not because I did not want connection, but because I had forgotten how to step back into it.

Eventually I realized that staying home and isolating myself was not helping. So I did something that honestly scared me a little. I went to Spring Training by myself. I did not know who I would meet or if I would recognize anyone. I did not even know if I would feel like I belonged there anymore.

But something unexpected happened over that weekend.

Little by little I started building my own pack. It did not happen in a formal way and nobody declared anything or set rules. It simply grew the way real friendships grow. Conversations lasted longer than expected. People checked in on each other the next day. Familiar faces started appearing in the same places.

That was when pups like Surge, Phin, Bane, CJ, Link, Dante, and several others became part of my life. They were not just people I met at an event. Over time they became something much more important than that. They became chosen family.

Somewhere along the way I realized something important about pack. It is not something that gets assigned to you, and it is not something you earn through status or titles. Pack is something you build together through time, trust, and shared experiences.

Some packs also organize themselves with roles like Alpha, Beta, and Omega. Those dynamics can be meaningful for the people who choose them. An Alpha might take on a guiding or protective role. A Beta might help stabilize the group or support the Alpha. An Omega often brings playfulness, emotional connection, or balance to the pack. When those roles grow naturally and are grounded in trust and consent, they can create a strong sense of identity and belonging.

At the same time, not every pack needs that structure. Many packs exist simply as friendships and chosen family. Sometimes roles shift depending on the moment. Sometimes they are not defined at all. What matters is not the hierarchy itself, but the care and connection between the people who make up the pack.

In my own life I have experienced both sides of that. My relationship with Kuma includes an Alpha dynamic that is meaningful to both of us, but the broader pack around us is something much more fluid. It is a group of people who support each other, look out for one another, and share space together without needing rigid roles.

That realization is also where the idea of #UnapologeticallyPuppy began to take shape for me. After years of holding parts of myself back, I decided that rediscovering Ruff meant allowing him to exist fully. It meant showing up honestly, building connections openly, and letting community be part of my life again.

Today that pack stretches farther than I ever expected. It includes the pups I see regularly in Atlanta and the friends who have welcomed me into their circles in London. Pups like MaX, Trent, and Kuma have helped make London feel like a second home for Ruff.

My Alpha, Kuma, is an important part of that story as well. Being his pup gave me a sense of stability and grounding while I was figuring out who Ruff was becoming. At the same time, pack is bigger than any one relationship. Pack is the community that shows up. It is the friends who celebrate with you when life is going well, the people who check in quietly when they sense you are struggling, and the ones who remember your name and share a drink with you after a long night.

Sometimes pack reveals itself in the simplest moments. It is the moment someone walks up to you at an event and says, “Hey Ruff,” even though you have never met before. That moment still surprises me every time, because it means the pack is growing.

This year I am returning to Spring Training again, but in a very different way. Instead of arriving alone and unsure of what I would find, I am showing up to teach classes and share some of what I have learned with other pups. In a way it feels like coming full circle.

The same kind of welcome that the Phoenix Boys of Leather showed me years ago is the same kind of welcome I try to create for someone else now. That idea has become an important part of how I think about leadership in this community. Being visible as Ruff is not about standing in front. It is about helping create spaces where other pups feel safe enough to show up as themselves.

Because that is the real meaning of pack.

Someone made space for you.

And one day you realize it is your turn to make space for the next pup who walks through the door.