Dog Days Goal Achieved

Sometimes it takes a few days to process an event. Sometimes more. While I didn’t take home the title, I still came home a winner in many ways. When I decided to run, it wasn’t to get a title or bragging rights. It was largely to prove to myself that I could do it. And not just do it, but do it well and celebrate getting it done. I placed third overall out of a class of 5 pups, but most significantly, I won the Heart of the Class award for being the contestant who most supported and encouraged the class. That meant more to me than any title ever could. And honestly, I’m OK. I found the win in my weekend. For months, I built myself up for this moment, and I accomplished what I set out to do. I proved to myself that I have something meaningful to contribute to my community. That I am 100% now the pup for others that I wished I had when I first encountered pup play. And I found a win in connecting with my class, which no one will ever be able to replicate.

For me, this contest was about reclaiming and celebrating what I’ve accomplished that I didn’t get to do the last time I ran for an international title. The last time, I was consoling a husband who didn’t do so well, but we never got the chance to celebrate how well I did. This time was different. I’m proud of who I am, and I’m extremely proud of how I represented myself to Alpha. It meant a lot to me that he crossed an ocean to support me. I did the thing. I discovered Ruff and embraced him wholeheartedly, and that was a huge win for me. Ruff has helped me to heal, find new friendships, and travel the world meeting pups and experiencing communities far beyond my own. Ruff gave me confidence to teach classes. A LOT of classes. From Spring Training in Augusta to South East Black and Blue weekend next week, where I’m teaching 3 as a featured presenter. And all of this I built on my own with the support of my chosen and bio families.

It was surreal getting together as a class on that Thursday when we all drew our numbers. Artto, Spotty, myself, Chibi, Bacchus, Handler Kristoff, and Buck had been chatting for weeks about the contest and prep. We never thought we were competing against one another, but with each other. For anyone that’s never competed in a contest before, it’s intense. Also very strange. But having these pups, pet, and handler there alongside really made the weekend. We were off and running as soon as we all had our contestant numbers, constantly under the eyes of our judges and the community we were representing. Socials, Bar Nights, Pop Q&A, Interviews, and the final contest performance and speeches—we were all in it together. Even though it was stressful, there were so many moments that stood out to me. One contestant even needed to pee so badly backstage that he pulled out a water bottle and did it in the corner TWICE. We helped one another get dressed, consoled one another after stressful interviews, laughed together backstage, and built a bond that will hold a special place for me. Clearly, they saw something special in me as well, which is why they voted me the “Heart of the Class.” Even now, as I write this, I well up with emotion that they all thought so highly of me to honor me with their votes.

One of the most stressful events for all of us was the interview portion on Saturday. We were all sequestered in Den Daddy Dante’s room. It was a weird mix of nerves as we got ready for our turn and anxiety from having to stay in the room after we were done until all interviews were completed. Despite months of preparing and mock interviews, there was a quiet realization that this wasn’t something I had needed to rehearse or perform. This was my moment to let the judges get to know me. And I did. I was vulnerable, authentic, and unapologetically myself. There were questions about this blog, why I started it, and what it’s become. I started this as a place for me to heal and share my story, to help others new to pet play understand that there is so much to love and experience if they are a little vulnerable and curious. I was asked about stewardship and how I can help to ensure our spaces continue to be safe and diverse. Something that came out that I need to be more cognizant of is that we need more female and BIPOC representation among us and in these contests. And while I did prepare, A LOT, it wasn’t in vain. It got me into the room, and then I was able to let that panel of judges get to know me, what I stand for, and what I want to continue to be.

One of the highlights was getting to showcase my headspace scene on stage. I knew in my head what I wanted it to be but could never get the staging right. But with that energetic crowd filled with my friends and my Alpha, it somehow came together. I got to be the energetic Chaos Corgi running and dancing around the stage. I gave up on trying to be performative and reminded myself of what it really is: play. Letting go of what people might think, or what I was thinking in my head, and living in the moment was incredibly freeing.

It also felt good to share my 20-year story in my speech. To show that despite compartmentalizing parts of my life, I was happier now letting Ruff out to shine. It reminded me of the core of my speech. I didn’t create Ruff. I discovered him.

My heart swelled with all of the support I had during the weekend. From my local pup friends cheering me on, my Alpha beaming in the audience, and others in the community pulling me aside to tell me how proud they were of me and how much they looked up to me. It was an entire support system that I never truly thought was there, but I know will always be there going forward as I continue my exploration.

I’d also be lying if I said there wasn’t a small part of me that wanted that title. But the truth of the matter is that even though I didn’t win this time, I will continue to support the new titleholder, continue my teaching, and continue to be unapologetically puppy.

When the awards came and I was selected Heart of the Class, so many emotions swelled up in me. It wasn’t something that was determined by the judges. It was a measure of my character that my class saw when I wasn’t being scored. I wanted everyone to have a good experience regardless of the outcome. I wanted to support everyone in stressful moments and to have fun with them. While I may have had to explain to a panel of judges what stewardship means to me, my classmates got to experience it.

I would be remiss not to thank the people who supported me. There are so many that I can’t name for privacy reasons, but know that all you’ve done to support me in the last 18 months has helped me to grow. I want to thank my Alpha Kuma for crossing an ocean to be here with me and getting to see a part of my world that, until this weekend, he’d only heard about. I want to thank Dodger for putting some bootblacking love into the boots and vest I wore in the contest. I’ve always felt there is a little piece of emotion left behind when others help care for your gear, and it was an honor to allow Dodger to do that for me. I want to thank Avi, Dres, and Nitro for being there even before the contest, cheering me on and providing encouragement. I want to thank Kovalt, Link, Kato, and Dante for encouraging me to run. I know that I am forever part of your family and am so grateful to know each of you. And to the many others who couldn’t make it to the contest or can’t be named, thank you. I felt lifted up, and it made my little pup heart grow so big to have all of your well wishes and support.

The realization here is that while I was doing something for myself, I was never doing it alone. That’s the important thing. Even though I didn’t walk away with the sash, I took home piles of memories, a class of pups, pets, and handlers that I consider friends, and proof that I can do whatever I put my mind to. The work that I’ve started will still continue. There are many things in the works, and I’m excited to be able to share those soon.

It was a long weekend, and Monday was a relief to not have a million things to do. But Ruff was and still is here. Ready to continue teaching, to continue to be a good steward to the spaces which host us, and to remain #UnapologeticallyPuppy.

I went to Dog Days to bring home a title. I came home with the Heart of the Class. Turns out, that feels pretty damn good too.